I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
