she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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