Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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