I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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