last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
