dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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