Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
