Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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