It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
