I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
