my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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