All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
