Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
