I just threw up on my dentist
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
