Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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