nut hugger
too bad you live with your parents still
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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