my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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