the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
