**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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