you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize