Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
