my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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