Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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