Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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