vagina is talking i cant
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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