Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
