I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will pee on everything he values.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
