after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
