I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
