im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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