my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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