Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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