even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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