i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
we're so committed to being not committed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
