I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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