Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he puts the penis in happiness.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
