Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
