wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boobs are out for the taking
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
