Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
