her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
