If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize