are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
please come you make the beer taste better
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
