sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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