Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
