You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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