You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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