I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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