hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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