Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
