his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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