I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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