Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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