Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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