Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
