Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
