I'm so fucking centered right now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize