Fine. I'll sleep in my office
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
