Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
