I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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