I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
