Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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