Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
