Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
