What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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