My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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