at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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